Womp Womp… Race was cancelled :(

I woke up early this morning at about 0540. I was both excited and nervous so I hit the snooze button a couple of times, finally rolling out of bed at about 0608. I was dressed in no time as I had already set aside my clothes for the race. I am not a breakfast person although lately I have no problem drinking a smoothie or green juice in the morning. Well, the amateur athlete in me has heard about carb loading before a race and although I did not have clear facts, I decided to eat some carbs; crackers was all I had so crackers was what I had – 2 small packs of oyster crackers. I got to the race location at about 0640 and when I called my running partner she had not yet left her house and told me she would be leaving at 0720! When I left home, I had felt a tinkle of moisture which could scarcely be classified as rain but as I waited, I saw lightning and eventually actual rain. While I wished it was not raining, I was determined to run the race no matter what. My friend finally showed up at about 0740 and went to pick up our numbers, Just as I arrived the Start line, an announcement came over the speakers declaring the race cancelled. I was kinda upset although I acknowledge that it had been raining pretty hard and it was for the best. As with most races, there are sponsors and athletic companies at the site peddling their wares. Well with this race cancelled, it was a free for all. I could not take a picture as it was raining but there were two 10 foot long tables piled high with bananas and another 10 foot long table filled with bags of Einstein bagels. Muscle Milk was also in attendance and while they had been giving out a bottle at a time to passers-by, with the cancelling of the race, they encouraged everyone to take as much as they wanted and fill the little eco-friendly-made-from-plastic bottles shopping bags race sponsor Whole Foods had provided. Which brings me to a thought I had as I filled my bag with bananas and Muscle Milk. Whenever I am faced with something free, I almost always over do it meaning I take too much/ more than I need. And even when I walk away, I am still wondering if I took enough, if I should go back for more and berating myself for not having taken more.

My goal after my cleanse was to stay away from processed foods and I have done well so far. I took about 6 bananas which will come in handy for my smoothies. The Muscle Milk I had no business taking as I did not even read the label but I ended up with 7 bottles. I did not take any bagels and I am very proud of myself for that. When I initially arrived at the race grounds, I had concerns that my pre race meal had been inadequate so I grabbed some Cascade Farms Organic Granola and some Food Should Taste Good Sweet Potato Chips and a small Lara Fruit and Nut Energy bar – not one of the labels on these products did I read  so this constitutes my first impulse food consumption post cleanse. Once I found out the race was cancelled, I knew I could not let all that food just hang out in my body so I decided to let Shaun T and Insanity help me burn it and burn it he did! Pure Cardio is a beast but I am glad I did it!


Tomorrow I run a 5K!

Tomorrow I run a 5K. I have to admit I have not trained for it besides doing the Insanity workouts. If my mind were to run this race, it would complete it in 10 minutes flat because for whatever reason, I am extremely confident in my abilities but I don’t know if my body necessarily agrees. Anyway, the race starts at 8am rain or shine, so if you don’t hear from me in a couple of days, I am probably healing.


Today, in an effort to cheer herself up a friend of mine listed 6 positive things in her life and encouraged others to do the same. I started to respond with 6 of my own and found that I was unable to. I have always taken pride in my pessimistic nature but lately I have been working on countering that notion as I have come believe that you get what you expect. My first thought was to feel positive about my weight loss but I still worry about gaining it back and returning to the bad habits I strove to abandon. Then I thought about my job which I love and which allows me to indulge on of my main interests but I fear losing it one day. Then I thought about taking pride in the new body I worked hard for but I focused on the arms I think are too flabby and the chest size I lost. After this I was pretty much done trying to come up with anything else positive. But as I write this I am going to go out on a limb and name a positive even though the negative is lurking in the background. I am grateful for my sister. I visited her this weekend and for the first time in our lives, I can wear her clothes!  I arrived dressed to run errands but she insisted that I go to church. Being that I was not dressed for mass, we rummaged through her closet and found something for me to wear. Because I love her and care for her immensely, she possesses the ability to annoy me so much that I have to take breaks from her. However, spending half a day with her this Sunday and arguing over $5 reminded me that she was my first  constant childhood companion, my first constant playmate and my personal cheerleader.Yes… I am glad for that!

Guilt + Insanity = Rejuvenation

I write this blog with sweat dripping down my face. I swear I am about to pass out but I feel good! Originally, today’s blog was going to be called Temptation where I whined about how I had to make cakes for my niece’s first birthday party and how I felt like I had done badly by sneaking a couple of tastes and licks here and there. And then when I got to the party even though I started out eating veggies only, I could not resist a couple of carbs. Over all, I don’t think I did too badly but I am extremely hard on myself, so on my way home  from the party, I decided I was going to jump right in and start the Insanity workout. In the past, when I work out, it makes me more aware of my food choices and less likely to eat irresponsibly. As soon as I got home, I put on my work out clothes and got right to it. At first I thought it was easy but that was just the stretches as he quickly showed me why the work out is called Insanity. Completing the workout left me feeling like I had been adequately punished for my discretion today. It is ironic that I am starting Insanity which is a 60 day program after just having completed a 60+ days juice cleanse. Once again a part of my mind is telling me I may not be able to do this but I know I will and I am! Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go recover from this ass whopping.

Fast Broken. Heart Broken but mending.

A couple of minutes into my 73rd day, I broke fast: I had some steamed broccoli. I have to admit it was hard because I don’t feel ready to deal with incorporating solids back into my diet: what to eat, when to eat, how much to eat. These are issues I have not had to worry about for 73 days and now I have to slowly incorporate them back in and watch out for the bad habits. Although I had initially considered a raw diet after my fast, I now know that I should have researched it more thoroughly and made it the basis of my transition. I looked up a couple of recipes today and I am excited to try them! There are the raw burritos, the raw “tuna” salad and top on my list raw “egg” salad! Now I can’t wait to try them and had I been better prepared, transitioning to solids would have been easier. But then again we are talking about me, nothing is ever easy. So, now armed with more optimism and raw food recipes, I more optimistic about the transition. If dealing with this exercise schedule were only just as easy…

Random and slightly inappropriate: As soon as I get out of bed in the morning, the first thing I do is grab my tooth-brush and then sit on the porcelain throne for my morning tinkle. I end up sitting there way past the tinkle, thinking about the upcoming day or just day dreaming. As I was doing one or the other this morning, I reached down to either pat or lift my belly; It was like grabbing for something and missing it. I had to look down to see how I had missed when it hit me: I no longer have a belly. I have to admit that I spent a few minutes somewhat confused about what had happened but in the end, it only served to remind me that I have lost a lot of weight and I am not going back. I still have a body to sculpt and mold, so belly, you stay away!

This more so a reminder for myself as I navigate the wide and wonderful world of blogging!

Circa Dee

I’ve been at this blogging thing for quite a while now.  Honestly, I still surprise myself with some of the skills I’ve learned along the way like, umm, HTML.  Seriously I never in a million years thought I’d understand coding.  I’m not advanced by any means but I actually get HTML a little bit.  That’s hypertext markup language for the lay person.  (And that’s the IT recruiter in me coming out.  Yes, my rarely mentioned day job.)

So anyway, it seems that many of you have been interested in blogging basics.  I’ve been able to encourage a friends and family members to start blogs of their own recently and as a result a few questions have come up.  I thought it might be fun to share some blogging basics for the newbies.  Let me start with 2 basics that go hand in hand that I live and blog by.


View original post 1,161 more words

Tomorrow we break fast!

I feel like musicians or athletes who announce their retirement, put on farewell tours only to come out of retirement months later. I know I was supposed to have broken fast last week but this whole eating business is a lot harder that I thought!

So today is day 72 of my juice cleanse. I did not intend for it to go so long but I just could not make myself eat. It is not that I did not want to, I just could not and the more I thought about it, the more I could see that there were elements of fear behind the inability to make myself eat.

One of my fears is not knowing the proper way to eat. I embarked on this cleanse to reset my system and reset it alright I did. I feel like I have been reduced to  a newborn nutritionally. I have to reintroduce solids gradually but I also need to learn how and what to eat.

Another fear is losing the identity I have come to recognize in myself as a juicer. While I will always juice, I think I am going to miss these last months I spent nursing juices and depending on them for nutrition. Not to worry though, I have another 60 – 72 day juice cleanse in my future!

The next is not so much fear as my competitive nature. I do not care much for running or training for races but I absolutely love running the races themselves. What keeps me going during a race is beating the people in front of me. I pick a random person ahead of me and that’s who I am racing until I over take them. Once I do, then I pick someone else. I know I should train so as to prevent injury, but my competitive edge is enough to keep me going in any race I run. Originally, my intention was to do at most a 12 day cleanse but then I met someone who was doing a 60 day cleanse and I just had to do it also. While on the cleanse I read about people who had done 72 day cleanses and I felt that I had to do the same. I toyed with the idea of going 72 days but as the end came closer I was so ready to eat. On day 59, I read about someone who went 100 days and again my competitive edge flared up. A part of me feels like not making it to 100 days is punking out so to speak but I also know it is time for me to eat.  I miss cooking, I am ready to savor different flavors, I am ready to challenge myself in the world of solids, it is time.

So I have some garbanzo beans soaking right now for tomorrow we make hummus and break fast! And if not hummus, we’ll eat Avocado! As long as the avocado is ripe. If not we’ll wait till the Avocado ripens! j/k


A few days ago, my sister were talking via text when she sent me this:
I created this blog because I love to write but unfortunately I seemed to be suffering from chronic writer’s block at the time. This blog was a way of putting out the random thought that seem to constantly flood my head, the happenings in my life, all in hopes that I would find the drive to start writing regularly again. When I started my 60+ day juice cleanse, I wanted to blog about it but I did not have a functioning computer and therefore I was unable to share the journey on my blog as I know I would surely have done. After I was done laughing my socks off, I realized that I am changing and of course this fact is apparent to those around me. I am currently making decisions that will leave a lasting impact on my life. Now for those who know me as morbid, also know that I am not actively interested in living forever. I just want to live long enough to collect my 401K. Nevertheless, as long as I am going to live with this body, my intention is make sure it is a healthy life therefore this is a major aspect for me and I feel the need to share it as it may help someone else as others have helped me get to where I am today. So dear sister, Continue reading

Day 1 Post 65 Day Juice Cleanse.

Day 1 Post 65 day Juice Cleanse and I have not yet broken fast. I had a dentist appointment this morning and so I did not eat before I left the house. After running errands, I stopped by the farmer’s market with the intention of letting my mind guide me on what I would get. Once I started shopping, I realized that I am not ready to end my fast. The are two main reason for this:

1.) As previously stated, while my cleanse did not begin as a means for weight loss it morphed into a primary focus unfortunately. I have never had a magic number I wanted to attain and even though I have lost a considerable amount of weight, the image I see in the mirror does not satisfy me. Because I can be extremely dramatic and over imaginative, I am hyper alert to any signs of an eating disorder but I love food too much for this to happen. Furthermore, I have started consuming larger amounts of juice than I did at the start of the cleanse so I know that I am not starving myself. Continue reading

My 65 day juice cleanse is officially over!

Today marks the official end of my 65 day juice cleanse and I can’t pin point one single lasting feeling. I am hella proud of myself for completing it. I don’t think I ever doubted myself when I started but I was not so sure of myself before I started it. As I type this, I am filled with extreme pride in myself…I did it! I am  as strong as I know I am and stronger than I ever imagined I could be. I have to say it again so that it can sink in: I went 65 days on fruit and vegetable juice (except for the occasional soup/broth) and did not let myself get tempted by food! I am nostalgic about my cleanse coming to an end. I am scared of what is to come and having to make the right decisions about food. I am scared of ending up back where I started. I am scared this euphoric feeling won’t last… Enough! No more negativity. I just completed a 65 day juice cleanse and I am proud of myself. I is kind. I is beautiful. I is important and I is strong. This cleanse proves that I can do anything I set my mind to. The only thing that can and will stop me is me. I went on this journey because I wanted to reset the relationship I had with food. I grew up eating 3 meals a day with no dessert and only drank sugary drinks on special occasions. When I started this cleanse, I had to have dessert after eating and while I had cut out sugary drinks, not long before that, water was the occasional and often absent liquid in my life. I did not know how to portion control, did not know what to eat or how much to eat. I alternated between starving myself and over feeding my body. While I did not prep properly for the juice cleanse, the decision to embark on the arduous journey was the result of a realization over a 4 month period that I needed to do better with my life. While I know that all the issues I had before the cleanse have not magically disappeared, I feel more confident about confronting and dealing with them, after all I just completed a 65 day juice cleanse! The FAQ I have been getting are: Continue reading