Random Day.

Today I made my juice for the day and it smelled like freshly cut grass. While to some this may seem disgusting, to me it speaks to the fact that I am putting very natural sustenance in my body.

Today I found out that one of the cleaning ladies at work is from Colombia and speaks not a word of English. What it must be like for her to spend 8 hours in an environment where she is invisible because she cannot communicate with anyone? As a Catholic who was raised with the concept of Retreats, it could be that she gets to spend 8 hours each day in a retreat – in commune with God, a higher being, a supreme life force. 8 hours during which her brain may churn out the answers to life’s greatest questions. I am going to choose to believe this is the case instead of thinking that she spends 8 hours sad and alone, banished to the solitude of unwanted thoughts and memories that always come unbidden when we least require it.

Lately I have gotten obsessed with the notion of people dying alone. I don’t know if it is societal programming because if it is I will be pissed off, but I wonder if there is indeed a difference between dying alone and dying while in the presence of loved ones or any body at all.

As someone devoid of that special person in my life to call BFF, true friend, I find that I am always on the hunt for that special person. And the more time goes by, the more I fear that I won’t find one first of all because I believe that the best friendships are created in academic environments. College was my last chance and I blew it. If I can be honest with myself, I am hoping that joining the Air Force will create another opportunity for me to make good friends. After all, if you are going to trust me to protect you and your life you better consider me a great friend!

TV is the kryptonite of my creativity. I watch TV, get lost in it and don’t journal, don’t write, don’t edit photos. I am one contract away from getting rid of cable. Until then, I figured I would watch all the shows I have saved on my DVR. One of my favorite shows is Intervention on A&E but it comes on while I am at work so I record it on the DVR and watch it as soon as I get home. Well, one night in mid January, I raced home eager to watch that night’s episode. I pressed play and realized with dread that the night’s episode was about Bulimia. I was about 2 weeks into my juice cleanse and seeing food triggered some severe cravings and hunger pangs for me, so watching the young man on the show shovel plate after plate down his gullet was too much to bear and I stopped watching it about 5 minutes in. I am proud to say I watched it tonight with no side effects!

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