Hello world!

It’s been a while I know. A lot has happened in my life. I have stumbled, fallen, gotten up and putting myself back together. I am realising how strong I am, what I am capable of and learning to forgive myself for the mistakes I have made. What I struggle with the most is not beating myself up as I am extremely hard on myself. I have learned the power of family and friends. I have learned that my capacity for love far exceeds what I imagined. My life these days is a mixture of realizations, lessons and becoming mentally and emotionally stronger.   When I started this blog, I had just moved into my own place, I was discovering the world on my own and under my own terms, Today, once more I am facing the world on new terms, under different circumstances and with some fears. Nonetheless, I know that fear is not an option and in the same way I tackle new countries and new experiences, so too will I face and conquer this phase in my life.

 

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Regrouping.

So I have spent the last month contemplating my next move health wise. My initial cleanse served it’s purpose and I need to figure out the next step. I like to eat! I love food! When I am antsy I cook. So I have decided that for me to be able to eat properly, I need to incorporate regular exercise so that I don’t starve myself by eating too little. I started doing Insanity but my old back injury side lined me and took me out. In retrospect, it was nothing but a stumble that required me to change tactics but I allowed it to derail me completely. So now I find myself once more at some sort of impasse trying to figure out my next step. Tomorrow, I will be trying out a kick boxing class to see if it might be something I would like to do regularly and I will also begin Yoga daily. I have been planking, doing push ups and pull ups to gain some strength back in my arms. One day at a time.

Food!

I came home last night with the best of intentions to blog but somehow ended up caught in a conversation about sexual phobias and pubic hairs with my friends. So it came 0500 in the morning and I was still awake. I joked to my friend that maybe counting sheep would help us go to sleep but to be honest, that has never worked for me. My imagination is so vivid that the sheep never stay sheep, pretty soon they turn into cows jumping over the moon. And then the scene is no longer  Old MacDonald’s farm but outer space where the aliens join in for a game of beer pong. Yeah counting sheep does not work for me.

So when I started this post yesterday, it was going to be about plans to embark on a 30 day juice fast. I must tell you that the initial idea was for it to last 7 days but somehow I have ended up with 30 days and if I don’t start it soon I may end up at 72 again! I have to admit I am very excited though. There is honestly something very calming for me about being on a juice fast. I feel like I am regaining control of my food addiction, I am conquering it and showing it who is boss! It may not be the best method but it is my method. So in honour of giving up food for 30 days, I present to you my pictures of food I have eaten in the last couple of months.

… Okay I tried but Kahlo fka Moira (my computer) must be PMSing so sorry, no photos tonight. Come back tomorrow!

 

Travel Junkie cont.

This is a continuation of a post I started weeks ago but you can read it here!

So my friends and I were stuck in Brussels with the next flight not leaving until 2 days later. Putting our heads together we came up with the website http://www.flightstats.com. When we pulled up Brussels to Douala, we could not find any viable options. We did find a flight leaving the next day from Paris and so we moved on to figuring out how to get to Paris. We opted out of using the train because it would take us only 90 minutes to get there leaving with a whole day and 6 suitcases to lug around Charles de Gaulle Airport. The next option was to rent a car and we were able to get a great deal from Hertz. Before we knew it, we were piled into an Opel Meriva ready to drive from Brussels to Paris with nothing but a little map we got from the Hertz counter.photo-8 I was designated the driver as the car was manual transmission and I was the most experienced. I drove  around Brussels for about an hour or so just so we could explore  but with no real sense of direction we tired quickly and decided to head towards Paris. Using our map, we figured that the R0 made a loop around the city of Brussels and from there we could hop on the A8 towards paris. After a few wrong turns we made it on the A8 and our road trip began in earnest. As a traveller it is not unusual that most of my greatest friendships were cemented on (a) trip(s). My 1st college best friend and I bonded on several 15 hour Greyhound trips and my 2nd college best friend and I bonded on a trip to London wherein we had to share an attic room and a slightly smaller than twin size bed. This trip was no different and I look forward to many more trips with my travel companions. We pulled into Paris at about 9pm and from memory alone of my last visit I was able to get us to the Eiffel Tower and Avenue des Champs-Élysées.

Exhausted by now, we decided to find a cheap hotel. Wouldn’t you know it, there was an Expo in town and all the hotels we stopped at were booked for days! Well instead of getting upset we kept the money we would have paid for the hotel and spent the night in the car! The only downside of this was that I parked in a hotel lot that had motion sensitive lights and so every time one of us turned or moved in the car, the light came on. It seemed even a deep breath turned that light on! We woke up at about 5am and headed for the airport, each of us expressing sadness at having to turn the car in, as it seemed like the end of a glorious adventure. And guess what? That Opel Meriva took us from sightseeing in Brussels, to Paris and sightseeing some more, turned on with the heat blasting for 5 hours and then to the airport on just under a 3/4 tank of gas! Now is that impressive or what?

photo-9photo-6**Travel Junkie Tip**

If you miss a flight or get stuck at an airport, use http://www.FlightStats.com to find other airlines, flights and alternate routes for getting to your destination.

Travel Junkie cont.

My mother reminded me yesterday that all in one month I have visited 4 continents (my sister and I are still arguing about the validity of one of said continents) and 7 countries. In the last week alone, I visited 3 countries and 3 continents! Now that’s an achievement if I can say so myself. I love to travel! I am an avid traveller and will do almost anything if it means I get to see a new country or go on a new adventure. My dream job would be a travel photographer and/or writer and one would think I would be using my blog as a platform/practice but I tend to procrastinate way too much. Furthermore, I take lots and lots of pictures and feel like writing about some of my destinations without benefit of visual aids is a great disservice to anyone who reads it. So, that’s part of why I have not finished my adventure about getting stranded in Brussels. I got to visit some major monuments this past week and got to participate in an important event but as much as I want to share that, I refuse to do so without pictures. So, I am promising myself that after work tomorrow, I will come home, shower, eat, sit far far far away from the TV and work on all the lovely photos I have amassed over the past month. I remember when I first got my camera late last year. I was scared that I would never learn how to work it properly and while I am still skimming the surface of its abilities, I love seeing the beautiful pictures I create. Same with this computer which I got to help me elevate the quality of my pictures but persists in intimidating me. I shall conquer them both someday soon. And when I do, watch out world!!

Random Day.

Today I made my juice for the day and it smelled like freshly cut grass. While to some this may seem disgusting, to me it speaks to the fact that I am putting very natural sustenance in my body.

Today I found out that one of the cleaning ladies at work is from Colombia and speaks not a word of English. What it must be like for her to spend 8 hours in an environment where she is invisible because she cannot communicate with anyone? As a Catholic who was raised with the concept of Retreats, it could be that she gets to spend 8 hours each day in a retreat – in commune with God, a higher being, a supreme life force. 8 hours during which her brain may churn out the answers to life’s greatest questions. I am going to choose to believe this is the case instead of thinking that she spends 8 hours sad and alone, banished to the solitude of unwanted thoughts and memories that always come unbidden when we least require it.

Lately I have gotten obsessed with the notion of people dying alone. I don’t know if it is societal programming because if it is I will be pissed off, but I wonder if there is indeed a difference between dying alone and dying while in the presence of loved ones or any body at all.

As someone devoid of that special person in my life to call BFF, true friend, I find that I am always on the hunt for that special person. And the more time goes by, the more I fear that I won’t find one first of all because I believe that the best friendships are created in academic environments. College was my last chance and I blew it. If I can be honest with myself, I am hoping that joining the Air Force will create another opportunity for me to make good friends. After all, if you are going to trust me to protect you and your life you better consider me a great friend!

TV is the kryptonite of my creativity. I watch TV, get lost in it and don’t journal, don’t write, don’t edit photos. I am one contract away from getting rid of cable. Until then, I figured I would watch all the shows I have saved on my DVR. One of my favorite shows is Intervention on A&E but it comes on while I am at work so I record it on the DVR and watch it as soon as I get home. Well, one night in mid January, I raced home eager to watch that night’s episode. I pressed play and realized with dread that the night’s episode was about Bulimia. I was about 2 weeks into my juice cleanse and seeing food triggered some severe cravings and hunger pangs for me, so watching the young man on the show shovel plate after plate down his gullet was too much to bear and I stopped watching it about 5 minutes in. I am proud to say I watched it tonight with no side effects!

This more so a reminder for myself as I navigate the wide and wonderful world of blogging!

Circa Dee

I’ve been at this blogging thing for quite a while now.  Honestly, I still surprise myself with some of the skills I’ve learned along the way like, umm, HTML.  Seriously I never in a million years thought I’d understand coding.  I’m not advanced by any means but I actually get HTML a little bit.  That’s hypertext markup language for the lay person.  (And that’s the IT recruiter in me coming out.  Yes, my rarely mentioned day job.)

So anyway, it seems that many of you have been interested in blogging basics.  I’ve been able to encourage a friends and family members to start blogs of their own recently and as a result a few questions have come up.  I thought it might be fun to share some blogging basics for the newbies.  Let me start with 2 basics that go hand in hand that I live and blog by.

PICTURES

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Relapse.

My name is …….. and I am an alcoholic. Those words serve as an acknowledgement that one has a problem, has owned up to it and is ready to start working on changing destructive behaviours.

One of my favourite shows on TV is A&E’s Intervention. On the show, people with severe psychological disorders shows the world what it is like to be addicted to destructive behaviours/substances. At the beginning of the show, the person profiled states their name and announces their addiction. One of the powerful things to see is a person so steeped in their addiction and denial that they cannot even say those simple words – I am an/a/addicted to… Because saying those words means acknowledging one’s addictions, and having to address the issue. Until you can truly acknowledge your addiction, you cannot address the problem Continue reading

Update.

So… I am trying to find a positive way to put this without saying: this week sucked hairy balls! I don’t think I ate anything healthy this week, and the days I had to work out without my trainer were horrible. I do not like working out by myself. I find it near impossible to push me the way he does. When I work out with him, we have a sort of competition going on. I refuse to give up before he does and strive to match him as best I can. But when I am by myself I don’t put in as much effort as I should. I think I have realised that I do not necessarily like cardio. I am trying really hard not to just say I HATE cardio because truth be told I probably don’t. I do not mind strength training as time seems to fly and I find that concentrating on the part of the body I am working on and Continue reading

Nine Eleven

World Trade Center Tribute Lights

I wanted so badly to put up a post for 9/11 but my schedule would not allow for it. It was going to be about where I was when it happened – In bed. My aunt woke me up and I thought she was joking. How I felt about it – Now that answer is too long and complicated and would require delicate handling so I shall save it for next year. Today however, in light of the bombings in Libya, the invasion of which I was completely against, I am reminded of one of my favourite quotes about 9/11. Now let me just say I am very non-political. I do not believe in any political parties, I believe in the lesser of two evils. Continue reading