Yep. That’s where I am at. I don’t know what day this is. And truth be told, I don’t care. I thought it would take me longer to learn my lesson but I think I am almost done learning it. I am not going to make it to 30 days and I am currently making my peace with that decision. Bottom line is I started this cleanse for the wrong reasons and that was not good enough to sustain me. I still have issues that I need to deal with but a juice cleanse is not the answer in this case. My initial cleanse did what it was supposed to and now I have to take other steps to achieve my goals. I think some part of me expected my initial juice cleanse to cure all my bad habits including laziness and self-control/discipline but of course that could not be. Life is about constantly learning and improving and I am going to have to find my next learning vehicle. As mentioned previously, I will always juice but unless something drastic happens, it should not be necessary for me to do a 72 day cleanse again and therefore I will always feel a sense of nostalgia for that process. I am grateful for what it gave me but I need to move forward.
I know the first couple of days are hard and that it will get better but I am so ready for it to get better! I am know I am strange, but I watch cooking videos on YouTube in order to fall asleep. At the beginning of my 72 day fast, I was unable to watch any videos for at least a month but so far I have done so with ease every night. I had a smoothie this morning and made oranges, turnip greens and spicy basil to take to work. I did not finish that but when I got home I was craving something sweet and so I had 2 cups of banana smoothie. I felt greedy having two helpings but I reminded myself that I was indulging in something healthy. On to day 3!
Today marked the official end to my first day of juicing. I had an orange-collards-spicy basil juice accompany me to work and I cheated and had a banana smoothie when I got back from work. I am honestly amazed at … Continue reading
I came home last night with the best of intentions to blog but somehow ended up caught in a conversation about sexual phobias and pubic hairs with my friends. So it came 0500 in the morning and I was still awake. I joked to my friend that maybe counting sheep would help us go to sleep but to be honest, that has never worked for me. My imagination is so vivid that the sheep never stay sheep, pretty soon they turn into cows jumping over the moon. And then the scene is no longer Old MacDonald’s farm but outer space where the aliens join in for a game of beer pong. Yeah counting sheep does not work for me.
So when I started this post yesterday, it was going to be about plans to embark on a 30 day juice fast. I must tell you that the initial idea was for it to last 7 days but somehow I have ended up with 30 days and if I don’t start it soon I may end up at 72 again! I have to admit I am very excited though. There is honestly something very calming for me about being on a juice fast. I feel like I am regaining control of my food addiction, I am conquering it and showing it who is boss! It may not be the best method but it is my method. So in honour of giving up food for 30 days, I present to you my pictures of food I have eaten in the last couple of months.
… Okay I tried but Kahlo fka Moira (my computer) must be PMSing so sorry, no photos tonight. Come back tomorrow!
Today I made my juice for the day and it smelled like freshly cut grass. While to some this may seem disgusting, to me it speaks to the fact that I am putting very natural sustenance in my body.
Today I found out that one of the cleaning ladies at work is from Colombia and speaks not a word of English. What it must be like for her to spend 8 hours in an environment where she is invisible because she cannot communicate with anyone? As a Catholic who was raised with the concept of Retreats, it could be that she gets to spend 8 hours each day in a retreat – in commune with God, a higher being, a supreme life force. 8 hours during which her brain may churn out the answers to life’s greatest questions. I am going to choose to believe this is the case instead of thinking that she spends 8 hours sad and alone, banished to the solitude of unwanted thoughts and memories that always come unbidden when we least require it.
Lately I have gotten obsessed with the notion of people dying alone. I don’t know if it is societal programming because if it is I will be pissed off, but I wonder if there is indeed a difference between dying alone and dying while in the presence of loved ones or any body at all.
As someone devoid of that special person in my life to call BFF, true friend, I find that I am always on the hunt for that special person. And the more time goes by, the more I fear that I won’t find one first of all because I believe that the best friendships are created in academic environments. College was my last chance and I blew it. If I can be honest with myself, I am hoping that joining the Air Force will create another opportunity for me to make good friends. After all, if you are going to trust me to protect you and your life you better consider me a great friend!
TV is the kryptonite of my creativity. I watch TV, get lost in it and don’t journal, don’t write, don’t edit photos. I am one contract away from getting rid of cable. Until then, I figured I would watch all the shows I have saved on my DVR. One of my favorite shows is Intervention on A&E but it comes on while I am at work so I record it on the DVR and watch it as soon as I get home. Well, one night in mid January, I raced home eager to watch that night’s episode. I pressed play and realized with dread that the night’s episode was about Bulimia. I was about 2 weeks into my juice cleanse and seeing food triggered some severe cravings and hunger pangs for me, so watching the young man on the show shovel plate after plate down his gullet was too much to bear and I stopped watching it about 5 minutes in. I am proud to say I watched it tonight with no side effects!
A few days ago, my sister were talking via text when she sent me this:
I created this blog because I love to write but unfortunately I seemed to be suffering from chronic writer’s block at the time. This blog was a way of putting out the random thought that seem to constantly flood my head, the happenings in my life, all in hopes that I would find the drive to start writing regularly again. When I started my 60+ day juice cleanse, I wanted to blog about it but I did not have a functioning computer and therefore I was unable to share the journey on my blog as I know I would surely have done. After I was done laughing my socks off, I realized that I am changing and of course this fact is apparent to those around me. I am currently making decisions that will leave a lasting impact on my life. Now for those who know me as morbid, also know that I am not actively interested in living forever. I just want to live long enough to collect my 401K. Nevertheless, as long as I am going to live with this body, my intention is make sure it is a healthy life therefore this is a major aspect for me and I feel the need to share it as it may help someone else as others have helped me get to where I am today. So dear sister, Continue reading
Day 1 Post 65 day Juice Cleanse and I have not yet broken fast. I had a dentist appointment this morning and so I did not eat before I left the house. After running errands, I stopped by the farmer’s market with the intention of letting my mind guide me on what I would get. Once I started shopping, I realized that I am not ready to end my fast. The are two main reason for this:
1.) As previously stated, while my cleanse did not begin as a means for weight loss it morphed into a primary focus unfortunately. I have never had a magic number I wanted to attain and even though I have lost a considerable amount of weight, the image I see in the mirror does not satisfy me. Because I can be extremely dramatic and over imaginative, I am hyper alert to any signs of an eating disorder but I love food too much for this to happen. Furthermore, I have started consuming larger amounts of juice than I did at the start of the cleanse so I know that I am not starving myself. Continue reading
Today marks the official end of my 65 day juice cleanse and I can’t pin point one single lasting feeling. I am hella proud of myself for completing it. I don’t think I ever doubted myself when I started but I was not so sure of myself before I started it. As I type this, I am filled with extreme pride in myself…I did it! I am as strong as I know I am and stronger than I ever imagined I could be. I have to say it again so that it can sink in: I went 65 days on fruit and vegetable juice (except for the occasional soup/broth) and did not let myself get tempted by food! I am nostalgic about my cleanse coming to an end. I am scared of what is to come and having to make the right decisions about food. I am scared of ending up back where I started. I am scared this euphoric feeling won’t last… Enough! No more negativity. I just completed a 65 day juice cleanse and I am proud of myself. I is kind. I is beautiful. I is important and I is strong. This cleanse proves that I can do anything I set my mind to. The only thing that can and will stop me is me. I went on this journey because I wanted to reset the relationship I had with food. I grew up eating 3 meals a day with no dessert and only drank sugary drinks on special occasions. When I started this cleanse, I had to have dessert after eating and while I had cut out sugary drinks, not long before that, water was the occasional and often absent liquid in my life. I did not know how to portion control, did not know what to eat or how much to eat. I alternated between starving myself and over feeding my body. While I did not prep properly for the juice cleanse, the decision to embark on the arduous journey was the result of a realization over a 4 month period that I needed to do better with my life. While I know that all the issues I had before the cleanse have not magically disappeared, I feel more confident about confronting and dealing with them, after all I just completed a 65 day juice cleanse! The FAQ I have been getting are: Continue reading
Two posts in two days! On two separate sites – check out the other one here. I am well on my way to becoming a prolific writer! It is the power of the new Mac! Yeah right! Part of the reason is that I am very excited about being able to blog/write again and so much has happened during my juice cleanse that I want to share it all before I forget it. And there has been a lot happening in my “regular” life as well. I had a birthday in November…aww thank you thank you. Now I typically hate birthdays and besides receiving presents, I can’t think of any other reason why I would celebrate them at all. I am typically a loner who currently has no close friends and so for most of the year, the majority of the calls I receive are from family. But on this blessed day, even the dead awake to wish me happy birthday. The torrent of attention stands in sharp contrast to the 365 days that precede my birthday. Furthermore, knowing that come the very next day I won’t hear from these people for another whole year borderline depresses me. So this year, instead of wallowing in self pity and depression I decided to do something unique: I decided to visit my childhood home. This required that I take an hour and a half flight and then driver for about 45 mins. Continue reading
When I first started this blog, I struggled to find a topic. I am extremely random and I found that the posts tended to be all over the place. I recently embarked on a health and fitness journey which started with a juice cleanse. This cleanse has led me to explore health and fitness in ways that I once perceived as inconceivable. I would love to share that journey but at the same time, I would like to keep an outlet where i can be random and blog about anything. Therefore, I created a new blog that will focus solely on my health and fitness journey. You can check out my very post here and do follow or subscribe to it so that learn more about what the past month and half has been like for me and what the future holds for me post juice cleanse.The blog is very sterile at the moment as I using a new computer and can barely find the backspace button! It is a work in progress like myself but we will get it together!